Friday, February 10, 2006

I Live!

But not TOO well. So, this may be my final update, or not... I haven't decided. I am back at the nice branch of the bank full time, but I really should stay off the comp. as much as possible. Of course there are many things I could say about what's been going on, but I am tired and have ADD, so... I am alive! That is all.


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Baa Baa Baa Bum Da Bum, Bum Da Bum

Bonus points if you can identify the tune I just typed for the title. So, using the computer here at Le Bank Du Crap just got harder. The supervisor here tends to look down on it a bit more, so posts have been sparse. Sorry about that. But in reality, not much is new. I've developed a loathing already for all things commercially Holiday (TM) based. Just wait till Thanksgiving. That's all I ask. But noooo.... They need to seperate this into two holidays: Christmas (or Hannukah or Kwanzaa or whatever), when you go and spend some time and have a meal with the people you care for, and then Buy Shit Day, where if you want to, you can go through a frenzy of spending and commercialism and give shit to people that they don't reeally need. There. Problem solved.

I am not where I want to be.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Dammit, MacGarnacle!

I hate the damn radio here at work. It claims that it is all about variety. Apparently this means a variety of SHIT. Which, of course, you can have: brown, brownish green, chunky, loose, hard packed... same goes for the crap songs they play. Shitty punk, shitty love songs, shitty whiny rock star songs... the same ones, every damn day. Gar.

I went to see Ben Folds last week, which was fun, but now I feel old. I dunno, maybe when you've been a fan of something for sooo long and now there's kids in their hooded sweatshirts all singing along to it and you're just sort of like "Yeah, been there", it's enough to make you wish you were the only one who cared about it. Bah. Also, when about a thousand white kids sing along to "Bitches Ain't Shit", it's time to give Dr. Dre some f'ing credit. Even though Mr. Folds made it hilarious by preforming it in such a hilarious geek white boy fashion... What's next, Ben Folds? "Cop Killa"?

Speaking of Ice-T, Law and Order:SVU was on last night, about horrible rascist Neo-Nazis who I just wanted to shoot in the face. I know they were actors and all, but the episode ended and I felt very angry. Because this shit is out there. This white power, I'm superior to your race, kill anyone who doesn't look like me crap that people are actually uneducated enough to believe. And that's why it can take effect: people learning the wrong stuff. Now I know we could argue all damn day about what to teach our kids, science vs. faith, ALLL that stuff. But I think we can all agree to teach people not to kill each other. It's that easy. "Don't fuck with people." That's it. That's all it takes. You can't force peace, you have to show them. If someone is waving a gun in your face and screaming "GODDAMMIT, BE PEACEFUL! STOP HURTING PEOPLE!", you're bound to get violent back at them. Hence, the whole Iraqi situation. And yes, I know it's more complicated than that, but I'm generalizing, dammit.

I am all over the place today, ain't I? I had a good Halloween, even though the owner of the Haunted House didn't want to be open on Halloween, because he is a baboon in a man's skin. Not open a Haunted House on Halloween? That's like Santa appearing at the mall and then mentioning that he's tired on Christmas Eve, so tough shit, kiddies. Bah.

So I'll leave now, with no picture of the day, since Blogger is mad at me. Have a nice day.

And don't fuck with people.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Do Free Bird!

So, I have started work at a new branch of The Bank, which should be interesting. People are pretty nice here, and hopefully they won't send me to the mental ward if they see my drawings from hell. Other than that, life goes on pretty well. I got a new video game, Shadow of the Colossus, which is beautiful and fun at the same time. Basically, you're a boy on a horse witha bow and a sword, and you have to slay 16 mountain-sized colossi. Each one is different, with a new and exciting way to scale these massive beasts. It's fantastic.

I go to a Ben Folds show in Madison tonight, with Brent, Kelsey, Collette, and a friend of mine from Madison. We'll be cutting it close getting there on time, but I'm still pretty pumped for it. I'll probably mention it in the near future.

I've been writing more and more plot and character descriptions for my... well, storyline, I guess. I'd like it to be a graphic novel (since I've been DRAWING the characters for going on five or six years now), but it will take a loooong time to tell. It's sort of my own little universe, and I think it would be really great if it took off, and other people can play in it too. Sort of like Star Wars or the Marvel or DC Universe: they're like big story playgrounds, with always more to be told. I've also written a bit on my OTHER little universes (universi?) but not nearly as much material as the first one. I might as well refer to it by name, I call it Guardians, which may not turn out to be the final name, but I think it fits. So. Guardians: here's hoping.

Anyway, here's the drawing of the day:

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Has the wholle WORLD gone MAD?!?!

So, as you may know, there is an attorney out there named Jack Thompson, who is 100 percent batshit insane. He is violently opposed to violent video games, and has made a crusade against them, claiming they are "murder simulators" that are turning kids into killers. Not shitty parenting, not mental issues, it's those damn videogames. Mr. Thompson has recently issued an offer to all video game companies to produce his idea for a game, which involves a disgruntled father of a kid killed by a kid who plays a violent game. The disgruntled father goes on a mass killing spree, including thinly veiled parodies of actual video game company members and even clerks of stores that SELL bad video games. Mr. Thompson has also volunteered to pay 10,000 dollars of the proceeds of this game to a producer's favorite charity. Whoopty damn doo. Like I said, Jack Thompson is craaaazy, and this "offer" is really just in poor taste. Would I have a case if I claimed that turtles around the world were being victimized by overwight Italian men crushing them by jumping on them? And that said Italian men were "influenced" by Super Mario Bros.? NO. Everyone would think I was nuts.

Although maybe I am, a little. I work in a haunted house all this weekend, and damn do I enjoy it. There's nothing more fun around Halloween time then jumping out from dark corners and scaring the shit out of people who are clearly wanting to have to shit scared out of them. It's fun AND I get paid! Sweeet.

Here's the picture of the day: not one of mine, but a hilarious one I found online and just HAD to share. Sorry, Batman.

Monday, October 10, 2005

One Wedding and No Funerals

So, not this weekend, but the one before, I decided to get married. I have a full account written in a journal at home, which I will at some point transpose onto here, so anyone who really cares can read it. But, at a glance, here's the quick version preview thumbnail montage:

The weather was PERFECT. Outdoor weddings can be tricky, but we pretty much got the best weather possible for the event. Sunny. Slight breeze. Warm. Thank God for it. I also sincerely apologize for anyone who suffered bad weather due to the changes God probably had to make in the weather patterns of the planet in order to have perfect weather in the Chicago area that day. You know, butterfly flaps its wings and all that.

The ceremony went beautifully as well, despite the small hiccups of getting the programs at the last minute. Eveything else was wonderful... the music was on cue, everyone knew their spots, the readers read their readings perfectly (and also helped with the reception... more on that later), the singers sung gorgeously, and oh! my wife was the hottest woman on the planet that day. (She still is today, to me, but let's not start arguing aesthetics, shall we?) So it was great... it was Bien.

The reception was pretty nice, too, with a few minor things. I wish it could have been longer, but evening receptions are like twice as much per person, so that would have put us into a bad situation. I wish more people could have sung karaoke, too, but oh well. Collette and I went straight into Chicago after the ceremony, which was nice, but I also wanted to go to some of the parties that were going on and visit with everyone. I'm just a social guy! Although in retrospect, the hotel suite in downtown Chi-town was pretty nice instead. Yeah. Anyway, the only glaring flaw was the DJ, Mr. Julian Leal. Oh, where to start... I need to get this all out NOW.

Well, even before I met him in person, I knew he was a problem. When Collette and I arrived at the reception hall, we were met by Kelsey. She let us know that Brent had gone to get the New Hope soundtrack from Best Buy, since our DJ had brought Revenge of the Sith instead. Now, I know to the casual observer, these are both Star Wars, so what's the big difference? Well, they are completely different scores, and I specifically requested the song from the New Hope soundtrack, which made the DJ look right away like a complete moron. And I later found out if he hadn't been able to get the correct Star Wars track, he was considering Kenny G.


So. Then I see him (DJ Shitty) for the first time, after Brent our savior has returned. He is a short, squat man, rather like a toad. His eyes bug out and his nose is large and unshapely, reminding me slightly of the actor who plays Peter Pettigrew in the Harry Potter movies. His hair is an abomination. Imagine, if you will, a mullet that is naturally gray on top, but then about halfway down is dyed black. Not a nice, natural black, but black so that it looks like fake Halloween mask black hair. In short, it looked like a diseased skunk had been stapled unceremoniously to his head. So Collette and I cringe, and give him our list of what order to announce the bridal party and our parents in. He manages to mess it up at least three times. Luckily, we still manage to look good, and descending the staircase to the Throne Room song from Star Wars to thunderous applause was a rush like no other.
Throughout the dinner, he plays only about 3% of the songs we requested to have playing. He constantly interrupts our meal by asking us what we want next, and how things are going to go. He didn't have the bridal bouquet throw song (Price is Right theme) or the garter toss song (Eye of the Tiger) or the father/daughter mother/son dance (La Vie en Rose). Again, due to our friends and our own luck, we prevail. Brent AGAIN saves the day by burning a CD with the first two songs the night before the wedding, and Collette and I happened to have the third option in our trunk of the car. So now we have to save our own DJ's ass. Then the karaoke starts: Collette and I belt out an abridged version of Sail Away by Styx, and we watch as people begin to sign up even before we finish our song. This is great! People WANT to karaoke! So clearly we don't need DJ Fuckface to sing a song to get people enthusiastic about singing..... which he decides to do anyway, immediately following us. He picks "After the Lovin", a wholly inappropriate song at an inappropriate time. I resist the urge to crush his melon-like head with his own speakers and instead ignore him completely and not applaud at all when he's done singing. To finish things off, he tries to suggest such great groups as REO Speedwagon for our final dance, and when we do decide on Tiny Dancer, he takes about five minutes to find it, despite it being another song we specifically requested. Julian Leal is the worst DJ I have ever met. I don't think we even said goodbye after it was time to go, and I certainly wouldn't have said thank you.

Alright, enough bitching about that. So the party ends, and Collette and I head off to Chicago. The next morning, we drive up through nearly the entire state and arrive in Bayfield, WI. The trip up is beautiful... I had no idea there was so much wilderness left in Wisconsin. Even Bayfield and the Apostle Island Lakeshore is full of pristine natural beauty. OUr honeymoon blurs by: we hike, we nap, we... ahem. Do other things, too. Good things. In the bed. The weather turns sour one day in, but we still manage to have a great time. Unfortunately, we didn't get to go on the island tour (coincidentally, a three hour tour) because... well, the weather started getting rough, the tiny ship would have been tossed, and if not for the supposed courage of the fearless crew, the Island Queen could have been lost, and possibly struck shore on an uncharted desert isle... But we plan to go on it next time, and we WILL be returning, with friends in tow. It's great up there.

Collette and I are settling back in to normal life... and really, we are so used to each other, not much has changed. I say "my wife" now, instead of "my fiancee", and we get our name changed tomorrow, hopefully... but we are still the same two people we were before, only now with a renewed sense of purpose in our life. Things will be changing, I know... I start full time at a different branch of the Bank, and Collette wants to go back to school in the spring or fall. So, a new chapter begins. I'll return to do the full journaled experience of the wedding another day. Until then...

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


Alright, it's two days before the wedding, and it looks like I won't have time to update again before I go. So... well, it's gonna be a great day. I can tell. I'm excited and nervous and giddy and hopeful and calm and... well, I'm a lot of stuff. I know I am ready, and I can't wait to start my life together with the wonderful, gorgeous woman I am marrying. When I write again, I will be a changed man.
So I want one more chance to enjoy single life. *BUUUUUURP* (scratches groin) "Hey baby, what's YOUR name?"


Alright, let's do this.